With so many options out there aimed at finding your perfect match, why is modern

dating so hard? Aside from the old-fashioned leave-it-to-fate way of finding someone

through a friend or over a heap of avocados at the grocery store, we now have apps

that scientifically sort through our personal data to find someone compatible. It’s

estimated that there are about 8,000 competitive online dating sites and platforms

worldwide. Dating apps like Match, Tinder, eHarmony, Bumble, and Hinge are all

designed to make dating easier and more effective, but they can also lead to dating

fatigue.

Dating fatigue is an emotional state in which you feel disillusioned, unmotivated, and

completely exhausted by the journey to find your soulmate. It’s real but can be

overcome. As they say, nothing worth fighting for was ever easy. Finding love can be

hard. Don’t get discouraged, thousands of people have found love online. It’s all in the

approach. Set yourself up for success with a few online dating tips.

Nail Down Your Profile

By far the most important element of online dating, your dating profile, is what will attract

potential dates to swipe right. It’s a reflection of who you are and the type of person you

want to meet. Choosing the right photos is key. A picture tells a thousand words, or so

they say. So, add images that capture who you are, and the things that you like to do,

whether that’s biking, hiking, or sitting on the beach with a good book. Keep your profile

summary short and sweet (5-7 sentences) and highlight your positivity. Moreover, be

authentic and focus on what you want people to know about you. Have your profile

focus more on what you want in a date rather than on what you don’t want. Before

posting, have a good friend read it over and accept their feedback. They may see

something you don’t.

Be Selective

While limiting the number of people you’re talking to online may seem counterintuitive to

finding a match, it may help you be more successful. Of course, you have the right to

connect with as many people as you’d like. But, if you’re really looking to find a

meaningful relationship, dating experts say that being selective is more strategic. In fact,

they’ve come up with a number - the magic number is three! Communicating with more

than three suitors at once can numb the experience. Making it hard to recall your true

feelings and thereby limiting the opportunity for any real connection. On the other hand,

dating only one person at a time can increase the pressure to make it work under any

circumstances, which is not a good recipe for success.

Know What You Want

Defining the type of relationship, you're looking for before you create your profile will

make your online dating experience more successful for everyone. It's one of the first

serious questions people tend to ask on dating apps. You may not be looking for a

lifelong partner. Perhaps you’re just looking for something more casual. That’s ok. As

long as you and the people you meet are on the same page. Online dating is a constant

back and forth with possible matches, exchanging intimate information about what you

are looking for now and in the future. Don’t let anyone push you where you’re not ready

to go. Keep at your own pace!

Define What’s Non-Negotiable

It’s long been said that opposites attract. But, while an immediate attraction to someone

different is exciting, it doesn’t necessarily lead to long-term happiness and commitment.

Studies show that the happiest and most committed couples are often those that share

similar interests. Make a list of your absolutely non-negotiable needs and values. These

are the things that will make or break your relationship. Far too often we feel that we

need to bend our principles or change ourselves for somebody else but, the truth is that

won’t last. We should, in fact, be doing the opposite, and waiting for the right person

with whom we want to share our life experiences.

Use the Right ‘App

Knowing the right app(s) for your dating intentions is crucial for any chance of success.

There’s different apps for different folks. Some dating apps target the general

population, while others have more selective features to help you find your potential

match. If you’re older and looking for a partner of a similar age, experts agree

eHarmony is the best. Women may be more comfortable with Bumble, which gives

them the initiative to start interactions. And, if you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community,

you may want to consider an app like Her. Do a little research and find out about what

each app is known for in the dating sphere before signing up.

Listen to Your Inner Self

The bottom line is you need to remain optimistic when dating - online or off. If you're

feeling burned out and not fully present, you may need to take a break to refuel the

process. Negative energy can be a roadblock to making a good connection. No one

made an omelet without breaking a few eggs (too many metaphors?). Simply put, you’re

going to have to wade through some people you don’t like before you find some you do.

And, even then, you might only have a friendly encounter that doesn't progress any

further. Be patient. No relationship is effortless. And, your next match might be the one!

Online dating apps have changed the way many people approach relationships, and

their popularity is still on the rise. In 2022, 366 million people worldwide used dating

sites to make a possible love match. So, don’t let fatigue and frustration set you back.

Prioritize self-care and don’t let online dating consume your entire life. With a balanced

approach and a positive mindset, online dating can be a successful way to find a

meaningful connection.

At Toronto Psychotherapy Space we have therapists whose primary focus is working

with clients who are in the process of dating and want to build up their self-esteem and

self-awareness or who want to understand more about their attachment style and why

they’re attracted to certain types of people. The right therapist can help you explore

ways that your past experiences influence the partners that you choose or the ways that

you interact in relationships. We also have couple’s therapists who see clients who are

already in a relationship and who may want to improve their communication, intimacy,

and quality of life together.

At Toronto Psychotherapy Space we offer free 20-minute psychotherapy consultations

to help match you with the right therapist. Please fill out the contact form located on our

website and our Care Coordinator will contact you as soon as possible.